This post is taken from my friend Ben’s Facebook page, it is about his shift at work the other night; I am posting this on here because reading this really made me giggle. For some background info he’s my friend from work, we are waiters/ waitresses at a large restaurant / hotel…
What an interesting end to a 13 hour shift… five minutes to 10 I get a man seated in my section, my manager tells me the reason I have him is that I’m probably the best equipped to be able to deal with him, curious, I’m like, cool, no problem! Check his drinks order, bottle of wine, and two glasses, lovely! Over I go and I see a normal looking man, if not a tad scruffy, studying the menu… I offer him some nibbles, he settles on the dipping bread and asks me a few questions before deciding he’ll also have the soup and a Stella. It’s then I notice the pot plant he is dining with… he then proceeds to tell me about how he’s booked a room at the hotel but they can’t find his reservation so after his pint he’ll go over and sort it out.
I’m cool and calm, and a little curious about aforementioned pot plant… I pop into the kitchen and probably go for a smoke or something and then Mel tells me he’s wearing a Christmas hat. Naturally I think she’s taking the piss… she wasn’t! He’s nicked the Christmas crackers from the display, cracked them open and is now sporting a dark green party hat. I’ve given him his soup and bread; he decides he wants garlic bread too. I pop that through the till, have a little chat with him… can’t remember what about because it was all so strange… then I go to deliver his garlic bread, the second I pop it down he jumps up, tells me he’s leaving me his phone and that he’s off to sort out his booking, off he marches, wearing the party hat, through the bar and off to the hotel. God it’s a long story. I’ll cut it short because I’m f***ing tired. Basically he comes back, decides he wants to be upstairs, I’m told to go up and keep him talking and check he’s alright, he tells me I should stand under a tree for half an hour and how important trees are; he talks about religion, love, the fact he’s been single for 18 months, shit loads of weird stuff – then I suggest that perhaps he pays as I’m due to finish my shift and that he’s more than welcome to stay and have his drinks. He then tells me we shouldn’t have money or cards but microchips in our hands that we use like oyster cards and other random shit and then runs down the stairs shouting “all you care about is f***money. I’ll give you your money”. Then he runs back up still shouting, tries to give me a weird business card with numbers on it that are some kind of bus schedule, then tells me he knows the police and that I should call them if his numbers won’t work as payment and have them arrest him because he’s a bum with no money. he then gets pissed off and goes back downstairs, I follow to try and keep him calm and then he kind of flipped shouting about money again telling me to piss off etc…so I did!
He then goes and talks to other staff, then goes to the back of the restaurant and asks Mel to crack a window open so he can smoke. She tells him he can’t smoke inside and then he says something else. Can’t remember, then the police turn up and he’s eventually taken away. Don’t get me wrong, I really felt for him because he was obviously not… well, of sane mind. But even so! F**k! Oh…. totally forgot. The guy had lip-gloss, which I’m pretty sure was intended for the plant. COULD. NOT. MAKE. THIS. SHIT. UP. Just a normal day at work, ay?